My thoughts are less of fitting in and more of becoming a better man.

Just before Oct. 1st

October 1st is tomorrow and the season of fall has been approaching rapidly as the wind swiftly picks up each individual leaf just moments after they've fallen. The weather and leaves change, the moods as well.
I've just recently got back from a weekend long trip to Chicago with Ali to enjoy and explore the wonders of the windy city for all it's worth. We ate delicious vegan food, I got tattooed, and the both us, as well as Julia indulged in some fine Chicago food. The whole trip was a blast minus the boring train ride and ridiculous bums.
School is also at a more rapid pace which can be both positive and negative, as well as my new position in the Schnucks bakery which I enjoy and plan to hold on to for the time being.

I don't get the relax I want/need and I feel more stress than ever. I want to make those around me happy but negativity always finds it's way in, in any/every situation. Aside from those few negative and depressing tangents, I've never been so happy in some places. Ali is the only girl I can truely see myself with thus far and I can not imagine not having her as a part of my life. I feel as if she keeps me from doing crazier things than I would without her. She's everything.

Growing up

or at least trying to

June 28th 2010

Everyday of my life I feel that I'm becoming more and more okay with ending up alone. Realization is coming into play everyday of my life and I can't stop making mistakes or doing things that I will regret greatly in the future. I don't know what it is that I want or why I'm writing but I want to be happy and to have someone to share happiness with. I hope that someday I can have someone that cares about me greatly, somebody that is content with me and me with them, somebody who I'd do almost anything for and anything with, somebody to adventure, explore, and see the world with. Stuck with grief and despair and regret amongst other depressing feelings. I think living in the moment only works out for so long before everything falls and cycles begin. Am I capable of creating what I want? I don't know and for the moment I suppose I'm still careless. I hope to someday fix some of the mistakes and things that I've brought upon myself, but at the moment it seems impossible.

I have so many thoughts in my head and I don't know what I'm doing.

Summer!

Today was my last day of high school ever, stoked.

94 and on and on...

No matter what...

the weekend comes to an end and it's back to school, class at night, and work. Punched in the face with "reality" always. Negative thoughts always seem to crawl into my daily routine.

Lately my weekends mostly consist of:

Thoughts

Thoughts merge with dreams and imagination just as fast as my dreams turn into nightmares. What exactly is reality?

1/7/10

Finally something to look forward to at the end of the day.

No matter what

Everything I put time into never has and never will amount to anything. I have no hope.

The weekend ends...

and it's back to reality. Back to school, work, stress, horrible days, and not being able to see my girlfriend for another 5 or 6 days. No complaining, just basic thoughts and occurrences. Reality.

< 3

X

I stopped fighting my inner demons.
We're on the same side now.

Depression sets in

Hate builds up.

Bad idea fest